That Girl By: Anne Dorothée Constant

He made her walk through the hottest flames of hell, ripped her heart out to make her feel the emptiness in her chest, destroyed her moral and sucked the strength from her soul. He stripped her naked, made her reveal her fears and hopes, her dreams and darkest secrets. He made her trust him and fall in his arms, lured her into an abyss that was once his love.

But that's not how it all began. He loved her, she was the most precious girl to him, she completed him. Somewhere, between the "I love yous" he fell out. Went to the darkest side, and allowed malice to take possession of his heart.

That girl that was once his other half became his prey. He tortured her, crashed her trust. She was broken. The ice from his soul froze her life and transformed her into a statue. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't see, she couldn't walk, she couldn't talk, but she could hear. She could hear!

Over and over again she heard fainted voices telling her to escape, but this was not what she wanted. She felt comfortable in her misery. She still loved him, that was her weakness. She wanted to hold onto his broken promises, she wanted to revive the memories they once shared. She couldn't move on. She was not ready. She did not want to let go just yet. These blurred recollections made her feel alive. She wanted to feel alive again, but not without him. Chained to a past, chained to her death, she cried out for help. Her cries were silent for it was too late. He disguised her agony into happiness, she was caged and put away. That girl whose childhood was about finding her Prince Charming, became a puppet to a monster, fell into the devil's hand and died only knowing suffering.

My Journey To Natural Hair (A year post my relaxer) By: Anne Dorothée Constant

January 15th, 2013 I had relaxed my hair for the last time. At the time I was not aware that it would be the end of my relaxed hair and the beginning of my natural hair journey, I just wanted my hair to look pretty for graduation. 

I had my hair relaxed for 10 years and going natural was never an option to me. I always said that I would never get rid of my relaxed hair. Guess what dolls, never say never.

Do you see all these shiny and straight hair? Were they healthy? They looked like it. To me, any hair with chemicals such as relaxer and bleach isn't as healthy as an all natural hair. The chemical breaks your hair if you do not give it the proper care that it deserves. Well same goes for the all natural type of hair it dries up and breaks, but the point is chemical does break your hair to a point of no return.

One Month Post Relaxer.

A month later, my new growth started showing. At the time I was already helping a friend transition to natural hair. She had suggested me to do the same but I was so stubborn. Couple days later, I realized some breakage in my hair, the ends were split and weak. I could barely get my hair into buns and high ponytails without having to deal with thin ends. It just didn't feel full anymore, my hair had no volume, it was dull. My options were to get a haircut but having short relaxed hair required dedication and time. I was not having it. After a long moment of stubbornness I decided to grow out my natural hair.

Two- Three Months Post Relaxer.

My new growths were coming in and they made my hair look healthy, but it was a struggle to comb my hair every morning to go to school. Looking for a different hairstyle every morning, waking up extra early to have time to get a perfect hairstyle, doing my make up, and finding an outfit that will go with the hairstyle that I chose were wearing me out. I decided to go for box braids and it was such a relief. One less thing to do in the morning.

Four Months Post Relaxer.

I couldn't wait to see how far long my new growths were so I got rid of the braids after a month and a half. I was so excited to see how long my hair has gotten. It was such a disappointment when I saw how short they were due to the fact that I had cut a big chunk of hair while I was taking out the braids. I watched tones of videos on YouTube for transitioners with short hair and I started doing Bantu knots out, and braid out hairstyles. Sometimes I would just do a ponytail and use some extension to make my buns. And this went on for 2 months.

Six Months Post Relaxer.

Ok, this was enough, I couldn't deal with it anymore. I went again for box braids. Transitioning is hard if you're in school and got early classes. No girl wants to go out to school and be seen with un-combed hair especially if your outfit is looking amazing.

Seven Months Post Relaxer.

My hair grew a lot during these seven months. I regularly treated them, moisturized them with shae butter and coconut oil. 

This was my hair at 7 months. It looked as if I was all natural but unfortunately I had two different textures that I was dealing with. My new growth and my relaxed hair.

I started wearing weaves and wigs to ease my work.

Eight Months Post Relaxer.

On Sepetember 4, 2013 after debating whether to cut my hair or not, and talking to a friend I decided to go in for the Big Chop. Free at last I was. Nomore I had to deal with two texture of hair. I was happy. I had missed my natural curls, couldn't believe that I had rejected my natural hair for 10 long years.

Nine Months Post Relaxer.

Hair was definitely growing faster, and I started wearing them in puffs and fros. Not really my style, I was feeling self-conscious about having short natural hair. I looked completely different and I couldn't do the hairstyles I wanted to do like having my hair in buns. 

I flat ironed it.

I started getting used to having short hair afterwards. I changed my style so it would match with my hair. I went vintage, retro. And to tell you the truth this short hair gave me an Afro-American look. Not bad after all.

Towards the ending of my ninth month, I checked to see if I could do other styles with my hair and to my biggest suprise I could do high buns. I was beyond excited.

Ten Months Post Relaxer.

I went for the Havana twist for two weeks. It was time for me to give my hair and arms a break. Doing your hair everyday slows down it's growth.

Loved the twist while it lasted. Right after I took them out I used the same hair and did a corn row hairstyle.

Eleven Months Post Relaxer.

I started getting more and more creative with my hairstyles due to the growth that was occurring. Check it out dolls.

I was just being silly for the picture (lol).

I sectioned my hair into four parts and used the hair from my Havana twist and rolled them into these buns.

This is a result of a flat twist out.

See the growth that occurred from the time of my big chop until my eleventh month.

Twelve Months Post Relaxer:- Nappy Anniversary 

The month of January has finally arrived, my frequent length checked has gone out of control, my countdown until the big date has started, and my need to get my hair into a ponytail and low bun has become serious. January 15, 2013 - January 15, 2014. 

The day is here and I'm happy to say that it's been a whole complete year of discouragements, doubts, impatience, love. I appreciate what God has blessed me with and I'm giving my hair all of the necessary treatment that will contribute to its healthy growth.

This journey has thought me a lot about patience and dedication, and also about commitment. The drive you get to reach your goal is so great and the feeling to just sit back and looking at your accomplishment is amazing.

Never give up on a goal you have set for yourself you'll get satisfied at the end.

Your faithful natural sister,

Anne Dorothée Constant

How does it feel? By: Anne Dorothée Constant

How does it feel to smile from the heart knowing that you're being loved and cared for?

How does it feel to love unconditionally knowing that you gave your heart to a trustworthy person?

How does it feel to know who your soulmate is?

To wake up warm with the certainty of being catered to.To share your every tears and laughs, your every worries and ideas with somebody you know will always be there. To let go and allow something new happen to you?

How does it feel to be sure that you found that one person you've been waiting on?

How does it feel to know. To heal and love like you've never loved before?

I know of pain, but how does it feel not to feel and forget about unfinished dreams? To unbreak every broken words and fill up every empty promises, to replace every agony, every torment and cry with joy?

How does it feel to allow the sun caress every part of your body and allow yourself to melt every deceptions away?

To erase every nightmares and wake up refreshed?

How does it feel to know you're the only one that matters, to know you're the reason behind every smiles?

How does it feel to trust without having any second thoughts, to give your all without counting the hours and days of when it all will run out?

How does it feel being told I love you?

To let it sink in, and say it back. Meaning it?

How does it feel to smile for no reason, to feel whole even when sharing your heart and mind, body and soul with someone else? To be complete only with the knowledge of having someone, someone who only sees you, someone who can kiss away your pain, walk with you the darkest tunnels and stay by you in the abyss?

I still wonder if I'll ever know.

How does it feel?

Freeing Ourselves By: Anne Dorothée Constant

" As human we have to face our inner anger in order to make great changes in our lives"- Anne Dorothée Constant.

Life is about ups and downs, we encounter people, things that will make us smile, sad, and upset. We as humans have to find out about the secret key that will allow us to access true happiness. We tend to always dwell on the past and hold unnecessary grudges. 

Moving forward in life means letting go of what has hurt us and opening our arms to a bright future. This doesn't mean to act carelessly, it simply means to stay open-minded.

Freeing ourselves is about letting go of all the heavy chains that weight us down and stop us from walking to our true happiness. Freeing ourselves  is about accepting to live a stressfree and healthy life. 

We all have made mistakes in our lives, most of us hold ourselves responsible while the rest of us blame others.We should never walk away from our mistakes. We must face them and analyze how to swip away the damages we've done without causing any harm to ourselves or anyone around Us. We shouldn't condemn ourselves or others for what has happened to us. We have been put on this earth to go through rough and good times, to make mistakes and to learn from them, to love and to forgive. 

How can we want to move forward in life if we aren't ready to forgive, forget, and love again. We don't have to forgive and forget right away. We can take all the time necessary to clear our head, cleanse our heart and mind, but at a certain point of our lives we are going to want to let go. Let go of our emotions, let go of our anger, let go of our guilts, let go our pain and be ready to smile and live on.

The Troubled Soul. By: Anne Dorothée Constant

Death.

Should I wait for it, or should I look for it?

Am I being selfish for wanting to end it

Or am I for once pleasing myself?

What is like to die? And leave all those you loved behind? What is it like to leave so many sad faces and broken hearts? They call it death but its just a deep sleep ill be in. What is it like to be peaceful? To not feel any pain, to not feel weighted down by the hardship of life?

When I watch the dead, they seem relaxed, and well rested; but when I look around, the livings are tormented and broken. Is it what I want to keep on experiencing? Is it being selfish for not wanting to live another pain? Am I being ungrateful for the privilege given to me? Or does HE understand that I have no more strength left to fight? I won't live forever, I will die one day, but what if I choose the day, the time, and the place? 

I love you all but if I stay wouldn't it mean that I hate myself? I want to know the true meaning of peace, I want to be unaware of negativity. I don't want to stay in a corner and be depressed! I want this weight to be lifted up from my heart, my shoulders and body. I care for you all but if being selfish means for me to be happy, let it be. 

 Because I'm tired of fighting an already lost war.

The one that screamed,but never once was heard By: Anne Dorothée Constant

She hid her feelings so she wouldnt be hurt anymore
but it was killing her in the inside.
She blocked herself from the rest of the world
felt all sad and lonely and cold.
Never once she spoke her heart
for it was already broken.
Never once she opened up
for she was surrounded by tall walls.
She forgot how to smile
how to hug
how to love
for she was hurt so many times before.
She asked why was life so harsh on her?
but everything seemed silent
giving her more reason to cry.
She tried to scream at the top of her lungs
but no one paid mind to her
she knew she was alone.
had nowhere to go.
She swore not to give a chance anymore
but she knew that she needed to feel like before
this old feeling that would just fill her lungs with oxygen.
She was just another little girl who'd scream for some love
but no one seemed to care enough
to help her through her misery.
People saw what they just wanted to see in her.
Beauty but never knew what was behind these sad tears.
She walked alone, she died alone
and never once was heard.
she hoped for love but never found it
for it was far gone...

On the Right Path! By: Anne Dorothée Constant

Who am I? What are my purposes? What do I want? What do I need? Who can I rely on?

Are these questions unanswered to you? Do you know where you're heading to?

I was just like that before! Lost, and hard headed. I thought I knew it all until I got my back pressed against a wall and was looking at all the mistakes I've done along the way.

My view wasn't pleasant, I had to find a way to help me grow mentally and transform me into a better person. Took me time but with a few steps that I followed, I became the girl that I never thought anybody would be proud of.

- Who are you?

Discovering yourself is the most amazing thing in life. By knowing yourself you will be able to identify your needs and wants, your purpose in life, and the type of friends you need around you.

 -Knowing YOURSELF isn't only about finding out what makes you happy or mad but this step is crucial. It will help you move forward and help you grow mentally and give you a healthy life.

 Some people don't believe in mistakes, but in my case the mistakes that I made shaped me into the girl that I am today. I found out that I don't need to act or dress in a certain way in order to be noticed! At all time BE YOURSELF! Don't follow the crowd. When confused, you won't realize whose footsteps you're walking on until you turn around and see all the dust you left behind. Talking to someone closed to you can help you find yourself. Take some time off, meditate, enjoy some quiet time. You will then get to the second step which is knowing your purpose in life.

- What are YOUR purposes?

Do you know what you were created to do? I didn't know who I was and what I wanted to do with my life until I discovered the real me. What I went through made me realize that I need to help those in needs. 

Be a LEADER not a follower.

If you keep following the crowd you will never know your purposes, you will always be the go-getter, and always will help build another person's dream. What about yours? Don't you have any? To become a leader you have to take a step back from the crowd you're in, study your surrounding, and use a strategy that is unknown around you. By doing something that you've never done before you will be able to put a difference between your needs and wants.

- What do You want? What do You need?

Not everybody knows the difference between their needs and wants. People always get them mixed up. You need to recognize the things you can live without and the things you can't. Sometimes your needs and wants might cross path but you should know which to prioritize and follow. Everybody wants an easy life, everybody needs a dream to live on. But they don't know to put their needs first. Without your needs you won't be able to accomplish your wants. For instance you want your dream house, well you need to work for it. Understand?

- Who can You rely on?

We all need someone to talk to, to confine in, to help us grow. But you should know who are the ones who will help you grow, not the ones who will destroy you. How can you be so sure? Who are they? Where are they? People who help you build your dream, people who are by your side through your bad times, people who share your laughs and cries are the ones you should start looking for and stick by. Know your friends, know which family member wish the best for you. Those ones will never criticize or question your actions, they will  always give you advice. Never let go of these people.

 With that neighboring you will grow the way you're supposed to. You will have an healthy living, your stress level will decrease because they will share your pain and help you carry your burden. You won't be alone, lost and confused.

Following these steps were not easy for me, I had no guidance so I had to find a way to mature and leave my old ways behind. I was not happy but knowing who I am, knowing my purpose and putting a difference between my needs and wants, finding my crowd helped me be a better person.

Who doesn't want to be happy majority of the time? 

 

                    Anne Dorothée Constant