Have you ever wondered where and how you got the strength to get through certain situations you have probably thought impossible for you to overcome? And how you came out stronger than before?
There are two types of people. People who see things coming their way and get themselves ready, like a fisherman at sea who knows when a storm is to come, and people who have no idea of what's heading towards them and still live like there's no tomorrow. I was one of those who never knew what was waiting ahead for me. I always closed my eyes on everything. I often thought why look around for a soul if no one is paying attention to me. Why care when I'm not cared about? Why love if I'm not loved? I became so cold hearted overtime that it felt like it was the best place where I could be. Careless, arrogant, rude, and disrespectful was how I taught myself to be. These feelings were like a thick wall around me and no one could ever get through to understand me, for I never allowed anyone to be this close to my feelings. I thought that people would keep on hurting me if I opened up to them and let them know what was going on with me. I was so fed up of being the abused girl.
I was so angry at the world that being rebellious was the only way I felt was appropriate for me to get even with whoever contributed to my pain. I wanted revenge. I wanted to hurt those who hurt me and make them feel what they made me go through. From the first person to the last. My mind was replaying all the events and I kept seeing the same faces again and again. I was ready! There was no rooms for second thoughts, concerns, and compassions. I was transformed. I was obsessed with getting the last laugh. I would not open up to anybody I encountered along the way. I would pretend to be nice and concerned then when they'd get comfortable and think they got me where they wanted me to be, I would strike with harsh words and actions and push them away. I would treat them like they were cockroach and crush them with disgust. All the pain that used to be visible on my face became a thick mask that covered a dark personality. The girl that was hurt before had a hurricane inside her that was waiting to burst out and destroy anything that laid at sight.
I would not accept to be lectured by anyone, would not tolerate to get any advice. I remember I would get so furious that sometimes I would feel like physically hurting these people. I used to laugh at a lot of people's face when they used to show me how much they cared. This lead me to be sarcastic and always have this devilish look on my face accompanied by a smirk. The abused, hurt, and destroyed girl was no more. I adapted inappropriate behaviors, did things I perfectly knew would infuriate my family, and friends of my family. I didn't care. I didn't care what they used to say about me or think about me. I was a stray girl. I would attack whenever I'd feel threatened.
People say after the rain comes a rainbow. Somehow, there was a minority of people who had hope for me. Who always waited for me to become wise and mature. To me, wisdome and maturity come when you're being put in a situation where you have no sense of direction at all, where you're forced to take the wheels and become the captain of a ship. I walked along a dark tunnel for so long I thought I was lost, but one day I saw a light. A light that indicated me that I would no more be in the dark, a light that told me that all my depression, and sufferings were about to end. I remember it perfectly like it happened yesterday. It was during a counseling meeting that I reluctantly accepted to attend. We were asked to talk about our darkest secret. I didn't want to share anything about my life, but then a guy said, "it is better to share them with a stranger, because strangers won't judge you." I opened up and I started to cry. I cried because I was tired of my ways, tired of being angry, tired of feeling sorry for myself, tired of accepting to be teased. I was tired. I couldn't stop crying, I felt a heavy burden getting off my chest. I remember drawing a long breath as if I wanted to get rid of the last black feeling I had hidden inside of me.
I was taught to forgive and forget, I was taught to smile a lot and ignore things that weren't essential to my well being. I became so grateful to those who never gave up on me, grateful to God for walking with me through the storm he had put in my life. I felt like my life was changing. I have seen the worst now was time for me to enjoy the good times. I went through a lot, my mother's death, being teased in school, being rejected, and a few breakups. All of that didn't matter anymore. A new day came upon me and I was welcoming it with open arms.
Sometimes people tend to judge others by the way they dress, by their behaviors, but what you really do not know is what they are going through. They're expressing themselves in a way just because it can't get out verbally.Don't make it any harder than what they are experiencing, not a lot of people find arms to welcome them, ears to listen to them, and shoulders to support them. Offer them your help you don't know what a big role you might play in that specific person's life. I didn't have any support throughout this time of anger and depression because I didn't open up, I didn't open up because I was afraid of being hurt more. Don't make these victims uncomfortable, some don't even choose to see another day, and others persevere. I am glad that I stayed until the very end and became a perfect example for those who think that their lives can't be put back into places. Death isn't the only way out. I got out of the storm stronger than before I got in. I took a turn in my life where I was able to make a change, to make a stand.
I would like to thank all my readers for providing me with their support, and giving me feedbacks, without them my work wouldn't be out there. I am so glad to have such a wonderful audience and I hope that my story can help those of you who are going through rough times. I went through your pain so I understand pain. Thank you so much.
For contact info please submit emails to annedodo31@yahoo.fr
I'll be glad to help thank you.
