Lord teach me how to live RIGHT. By: Anne Dorothée Constant

If you die tonight would you be saved or would you face eternal punishment?

-I'm just trying to live the righteous way. How can I be a Christian, reflect himself through everything I do when I am being constantly tempted. He knows how my story will end. He knows.

Sometimes I wish I could just encounter Jesus and he would just read my heart and tell me "go your sins have been forgiven" and I'd have the reassurance of being forgiven and saved right there and then. But here I am with a short memory trying to remember what sinful thought that had crossed my mind, what sinful actions I've made, and sinful words I've said and wondering whether or not I'm completely forgiven... Whether or not my name is in the Book of Life.

How can I get a chance to be a Christian when the people of God are waiting to throw rocks at me? How can I ask him to forgive me when he's done telling me over and over again not to go down this road? How can I see the light, how can I hear his voice and how can I speak the truth? I want to be rescued but I don't know how to cry out for help.

Has he forsaken me? Why am I sinking in an ocean of sins? Why am I feeling guilty? 

-Is it you speaking to me Lord, is it you calling my name? How do I walk to you? I want to be humble, I want to be yours but everything in this life has already claimed me. How do I get rid of my past when I'm chained to its requests? I feel dead away from your cares, I want to come back home and live right but which direction should I take? Which turn should I avoid? I really can't do it. Please Lord show me the way and help me stay home.

That Girl By: Anne Dorothée Constant

He made her walk through the hottest flames of hell, ripped her heart out to make her feel the emptiness in her chest, destroyed her moral and sucked the strength from her soul. He stripped her naked, made her reveal her fears and hopes, her dreams and darkest secrets. He made her trust him and fall in his arms, lured her into an abyss that was once his love.

But that's not how it all began. He loved her, she was the most precious girl to him, she completed him. Somewhere, between the "I love yous" he fell out. Went to the darkest side, and allowed malice to take possession of his heart.

That girl that was once his other half became his prey. He tortured her, crashed her trust. She was broken. The ice from his soul froze her life and transformed her into a statue. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't see, she couldn't walk, she couldn't talk, but she could hear. She could hear!

Over and over again she heard fainted voices telling her to escape, but this was not what she wanted. She felt comfortable in her misery. She still loved him, that was her weakness. She wanted to hold onto his broken promises, she wanted to revive the memories they once shared. She couldn't move on. She was not ready. She did not want to let go just yet. These blurred recollections made her feel alive. She wanted to feel alive again, but not without him. Chained to a past, chained to her death, she cried out for help. Her cries were silent for it was too late. He disguised her agony into happiness, she was caged and put away. That girl whose childhood was about finding her Prince Charming, became a puppet to a monster, fell into the devil's hand and died only knowing suffering.

My Journey To Natural Hair (A year post my relaxer) By: Anne Dorothée Constant

January 15th, 2013 I had relaxed my hair for the last time. At the time I was not aware that it would be the end of my relaxed hair and the beginning of my natural hair journey, I just wanted my hair to look pretty for graduation. 

I had my hair relaxed for 10 years and going natural was never an option to me. I always said that I would never get rid of my relaxed hair. Guess what dolls, never say never.

Do you see all these shiny and straight hair? Were they healthy? They looked like it. To me, any hair with chemicals such as relaxer and bleach isn't as healthy as an all natural hair. The chemical breaks your hair if you do not give it the proper care that it deserves. Well same goes for the all natural type of hair it dries up and breaks, but the point is chemical does break your hair to a point of no return.

One Month Post Relaxer.

A month later, my new growth started showing. At the time I was already helping a friend transition to natural hair. She had suggested me to do the same but I was so stubborn. Couple days later, I realized some breakage in my hair, the ends were split and weak. I could barely get my hair into buns and high ponytails without having to deal with thin ends. It just didn't feel full anymore, my hair had no volume, it was dull. My options were to get a haircut but having short relaxed hair required dedication and time. I was not having it. After a long moment of stubbornness I decided to grow out my natural hair.

Two- Three Months Post Relaxer.

My new growths were coming in and they made my hair look healthy, but it was a struggle to comb my hair every morning to go to school. Looking for a different hairstyle every morning, waking up extra early to have time to get a perfect hairstyle, doing my make up, and finding an outfit that will go with the hairstyle that I chose were wearing me out. I decided to go for box braids and it was such a relief. One less thing to do in the morning.

Four Months Post Relaxer.

I couldn't wait to see how far long my new growths were so I got rid of the braids after a month and a half. I was so excited to see how long my hair has gotten. It was such a disappointment when I saw how short they were due to the fact that I had cut a big chunk of hair while I was taking out the braids. I watched tones of videos on YouTube for transitioners with short hair and I started doing Bantu knots out, and braid out hairstyles. Sometimes I would just do a ponytail and use some extension to make my buns. And this went on for 2 months.

Six Months Post Relaxer.

Ok, this was enough, I couldn't deal with it anymore. I went again for box braids. Transitioning is hard if you're in school and got early classes. No girl wants to go out to school and be seen with un-combed hair especially if your outfit is looking amazing.

Seven Months Post Relaxer.

My hair grew a lot during these seven months. I regularly treated them, moisturized them with shae butter and coconut oil. 

This was my hair at 7 months. It looked as if I was all natural but unfortunately I had two different textures that I was dealing with. My new growth and my relaxed hair.

I started wearing weaves and wigs to ease my work.

Eight Months Post Relaxer.

On Sepetember 4, 2013 after debating whether to cut my hair or not, and talking to a friend I decided to go in for the Big Chop. Free at last I was. Nomore I had to deal with two texture of hair. I was happy. I had missed my natural curls, couldn't believe that I had rejected my natural hair for 10 long years.

Nine Months Post Relaxer.

Hair was definitely growing faster, and I started wearing them in puffs and fros. Not really my style, I was feeling self-conscious about having short natural hair. I looked completely different and I couldn't do the hairstyles I wanted to do like having my hair in buns. 

I flat ironed it.

I started getting used to having short hair afterwards. I changed my style so it would match with my hair. I went vintage, retro. And to tell you the truth this short hair gave me an Afro-American look. Not bad after all.

Towards the ending of my ninth month, I checked to see if I could do other styles with my hair and to my biggest suprise I could do high buns. I was beyond excited.

Ten Months Post Relaxer.

I went for the Havana twist for two weeks. It was time for me to give my hair and arms a break. Doing your hair everyday slows down it's growth.

Loved the twist while it lasted. Right after I took them out I used the same hair and did a corn row hairstyle.

Eleven Months Post Relaxer.

I started getting more and more creative with my hairstyles due to the growth that was occurring. Check it out dolls.

I was just being silly for the picture (lol).

I sectioned my hair into four parts and used the hair from my Havana twist and rolled them into these buns.

This is a result of a flat twist out.

See the growth that occurred from the time of my big chop until my eleventh month.

Twelve Months Post Relaxer:- Nappy Anniversary 

The month of January has finally arrived, my frequent length checked has gone out of control, my countdown until the big date has started, and my need to get my hair into a ponytail and low bun has become serious. January 15, 2013 - January 15, 2014. 

The day is here and I'm happy to say that it's been a whole complete year of discouragements, doubts, impatience, love. I appreciate what God has blessed me with and I'm giving my hair all of the necessary treatment that will contribute to its healthy growth.

This journey has thought me a lot about patience and dedication, and also about commitment. The drive you get to reach your goal is so great and the feeling to just sit back and looking at your accomplishment is amazing.

Never give up on a goal you have set for yourself you'll get satisfied at the end.

Your faithful natural sister,

Anne Dorothée Constant

How does it feel? By: Anne Dorothée Constant

How does it feel to smile from the heart knowing that you're being loved and cared for?

How does it feel to love unconditionally knowing that you gave your heart to a trustworthy person?

How does it feel to know who your soulmate is?

To wake up warm with the certainty of being catered to.To share your every tears and laughs, your every worries and ideas with somebody you know will always be there. To let go and allow something new happen to you?

How does it feel to be sure that you found that one person you've been waiting on?

How does it feel to know. To heal and love like you've never loved before?

I know of pain, but how does it feel not to feel and forget about unfinished dreams? To unbreak every broken words and fill up every empty promises, to replace every agony, every torment and cry with joy?

How does it feel to allow the sun caress every part of your body and allow yourself to melt every deceptions away?

To erase every nightmares and wake up refreshed?

How does it feel to know you're the only one that matters, to know you're the reason behind every smiles?

How does it feel to trust without having any second thoughts, to give your all without counting the hours and days of when it all will run out?

How does it feel being told I love you?

To let it sink in, and say it back. Meaning it?

How does it feel to smile for no reason, to feel whole even when sharing your heart and mind, body and soul with someone else? To be complete only with the knowledge of having someone, someone who only sees you, someone who can kiss away your pain, walk with you the darkest tunnels and stay by you in the abyss?

I still wonder if I'll ever know.

How does it feel?